Written on July 30, 2015
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Well, we don’t actually know any Barnsie&Farnsie songs, but we will endeavour to do our *entire* repertoire in the style of the aforenamed culcharul & yoomanitarian champeens THIS FRIDAY 9:30-12:30. And that of John Williams, too (not Star Wars guy, but Old Man Emu guy, whew!). Being true patriots, traitriots and flagrant opportunists however, we offer these suggestions from our own Songbook of Seething to Rally by: – the evergreen *Middle Aged Dirtbag* – our banjo-driven *Paranoid* – a spritely lamenting* All These Things that I have Done* – *the Love Me or Die, *undialectical til the end – a Mockingbird referencing, chiffarobed *Closer* or the funk whimsy of – *Stuck in the Middle-to-Extreme-Right with You* Happy Interdependence Day everybody! xxxe’en
Written on July 1, 2015
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No words were wasted. Curt instruction replaced communication, as I was divested of possessions, then clothes, then dignity. “Turn and face the wall. Bend over. Spread your cheeks.” Nope, no hidden cache of self-respect between them. While Fitzroy hoosecow had been poignant on a spring day, the Remand Centre was poisonous. A bland, fluoro-lit cavern the size of a small ice-skating rink with ten or twelve cell doors leading off it. The resemblance went further as the 50-odd inmates were going round and round and round. My first impression of this pacing was one of madness. Within the hour , I was up and skating too. There was nothing else to do. A wall TV dwelt in a reinforced box, but the channel and volume were randomly changed if you sat down to watch it. Near as I can tell, this amenity was there purely as a source of entertainment for the screws, or to give them their corrected title, Corrective Services Officers. So there was something below parking cops. These charmers were all about authority. To address them, you pushed a button on the wall in one of the two cells left open (wide open) for their toilets, and spoke to the ceiling. The sight of scruffy supplicants addressing a disembodied voice from above was purposefully disheartening – if they deigned to answer. We fifty were ‘remanded in custody’, which meant at this point there was no discrimination between until-proven-guilty murderers and me. An inmate might offer the background to his unjust and wrongful incarceration, but you didn’t ask. Those who did want to talk about it were invariably in for something relatively minor such as bad luck. I didn’t realize till then that that was illegal. There was no striped uniform, no exercise yard for an hour a day and most disappointing of all the myths to be dispelled, no phone call. A small slot in the door had prisoners chatting singly to someone on the other side, but I missed the importance of it that first day. This someone was a Salvo – our only contact with the outside world. Only *they *could make a call for you. The Salvos were also the only source of clean generic underwear – clean overwear was deemed unnecessary – every third day. They did this out of pious altruism. Or so I thought. The circuits were all the more compulsive as almost every one of us was on the thin ice of nicotine withdrawal, cold turkey. Some, doubtless, were withdrawing from more exclusive and untaxed habits as well – one foot in front of the other… I’m unsure if this fits the criteria for “ resilience of the human spirit” or not, but it amazed me. In that hermetically sealed environment, under the unseen gaze of who knows how many potentially violent career sadists – it couldn’t be – yet yes! Some of the skaters were surreptitiously passing the skinniest of racehorse rollies. It was so thin, it produced almost no smoke and probably very little nicotine, but the pleasure receptors of all those aware of its secret existence were measurably stimulated. Excerpt from unforthcoming book “88 Storeys” xxxe’en
Written on June 4, 2015
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The distilled PRAYERBABIES avec the untaintable Carl Pannuzzo (Checkerboard, Those Accapelicans) warm RADIO SPRINGS hootle THIS SATURNYT 7-10pm – yes; this is the better offer you’ve been waiting for! xxxe’en
Written on May 26, 2015
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In celebration of us all acquiring our cosy winter coats and no longer having to cower at home, *Fire&Theft* are raising the temperature thru cool to hot *this wed live on Johnny Topper’s New&Groovy 3rrr* *102.7* and!! and!! *this thursdee 8:30 @ Fad Gallery* in downtownChinatown (14 Corrs Lane City) – the band who proves again&again, there IS no insurance against rrRomANce, have recently saxed-up and rolled in filthy whirling HamMMMmmond sounds just for you! – & it’s not just free; *every*one’s name is on the door (speshly *yours*!) xxxe’en ps those inveterate veteran cowpunks the prayerbabies corral the Royal Oak NorFitzroy this sundee 4-7pm – yup!
Written on May 20, 2015
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…aa-nd today’s world-gummint-backed plot: the campaign to remove those last of our natural defences against internationally colluding bla’g’rds — our Laser Hairs! Enough! Join the fully endrummed PRAYERBABIES 5-7pm THIS SUNDY @ the OLD HEPBURN HOTEL* to sing our latest catchily titled rallying cry “If You Wanna Practise Laser Hair Removal on Me, You’ll Hafta Prise ’em from My Cold, Dead, Yet Fetchingly Arched Eyebrows”. This, along with the entire body of recorded evidence compiled against the PRAYERBABIES, will b auctioned on our new/old besmirchandise, the C.H.E.E.S.E** Stick, to the highest/any bidder… That is all. xxxe’en *236 Main rd Hepburn Springs $15 entry ** Central Highlands Exclusive & Evocative Stuff Exhibition
Written on May 12, 2015
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Genetic sequining scientists* at CSIRO have created a tasty new food group —the Cheesecakeburger—which incorporates all of them. And most courses besides. Treasurer Joesh Frieswithockeyberg announced the overcomplete meal is to add an estimated $4.5 billion to our export bottom line and a similar number of centimetres over the next donkey’s years. ‘This beauty will literally bring home the maplebacon and, is so advanced, it partially digests itself!’ He/they continued, ‘In keeping with our rigid food safety guidelines, the entire schamozzle is to be sourced from local & imported corporation Familiarity Farms —renowned breeders of award-winning Australian-based contempt.’ Advance tastings THISATDY 9-11pm UNION HOTEL BRUNCHWICK xxxe’en *that should be singular
Written on March 31, 2015
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I had an awefulsome dream… this weekend rolled around & I was stuck fast, kneedeep in molten organic free trade 70% cocoa bilbies, being pursued by that hideous half-mollusc, half-rodent, the Oyster Bunny… when who should appear to pull me free with a ss-ssquOIK! but our original drummer from 1898 – Pat! Only it’s coming true! Well, the Pat bit anyhoo. A wormhole has appeared in the time-spacesaving continuum, which is both itchy & auspicious – he’s back from London & has agreed to do a few toons with us residual P-BABIES THIS SATDY 9-11pm @ The UNION HOOTLE BROONSWEEQ & to celebrate everbuddy gets an extra hour to sleep-in next day! Huzzah!! xxxe’en
Written on March 25, 2015
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In a time when our nation sees fit to send Sarah Murdoch as ambassador to the Republic of Vaalia; when multi-coloured fashion teeth are the next obvious step; when there is seemingly now no social arrangement that cannot be forestalled or cancelled, even at the very last minute, it is overstandable that an outlook may take on the characteristics of a freshly ploughed obsidian field – jagged and bleak… Take heart. PRAYERBABIES *WILL* BE AT THE LOMOND E-BRUNS THIS FRIDAY. Mmyup xxxe’en PsOnionSatdy4april
Written on January 28, 2015
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In a universally popular move, a knighthood is to be conferred upon a gnarled and ancient oak tree THIS SUNDAY 4-7, simply because it is the *ROYAL* OAK of NICHOLSON North FitzRoy by Their Royal Highorses The PRAYER of BABIES, Duke of Edinburgh Gardens, Earl of Merricreek, Baron Greenwitch, Royal Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garterbelt, Extra Knight of the Most Ancient and Fifth Most Noble Order of the Whistle, Grand Master and Principal Flash of the Grand Cross of the Most Excellent Order of the Billandted Empire, Member of the Order of Lunch, Knightrider of the Order of Australia, Additional Bro of the Choice Order of New Zealand, Extra Companion of the Queen’s Second Service Order, Royal Chief of the Order of Lego, Extraordinary Companion of the Last Orders of Canada, Extraordinary Commander of the Order of Military Mumbling, Canadian Forces Interior Decoration, Lord of Her Majesty’s Most Honourable Privy, Privy Councillor of the Queen’s Privy for Canada, Personal Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty, Lord High Admiral of the United Thingdom of the of the of. The. Beknighted! Arise! xxxe’en ps https://www.google.com.au/search?q=prince+philip+farting&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=_FrIVLf_N8Xt8gXA0oCQCQ&ved=0CCEQsAQ&biw=1266&bih=677
Written on January 22, 2015
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Do selfies steal your own soul? And does the chiropractor’s choir practice require quiet tact or tractors? Clarification THIS SUNDY via PRAYERBABIES 5-7pm UNION HOOTLE BRUNSWEEQ xxxe’en